How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
