He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
