I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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