So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you will always have a special place in my vag
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
