We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
