He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
