I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
