He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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