I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
