Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
