nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
