see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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