i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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