did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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