Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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