i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
