Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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