Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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