All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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