my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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