My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
