All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
