Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
