All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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