you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
