carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
