Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
