You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
