that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
