11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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