So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
