When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
