wat bout pragnant strippers??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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