Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
