Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
