Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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