So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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