When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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