): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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