i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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