I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
