there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
