You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
