you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
