cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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