just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
