I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
