Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
