I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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