I'm lost and stupid without you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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