A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
